By Kath Courtemanche '21
Senior Choir Secretary, Harvard University Choir
Over the past four years, the choir room in the basement of MemChurch has been my refuge. At Harvard, and especially in the pre-med academic communities, the atmosphere of cutthroat competition can feel suffocating. The anxiety crawls up my spine, pinching my shoulders, freezing my jaw, and winding my muscles so tight that they almost vibrate. I never found a social community in those spaces, and I felt miniscule, one of hundreds of smarter, more interesting people, nameless, always on the fringes.
When I first joined UChoir, in the fall of my freshman year, I felt that same anxiety crippling my spine, felt  like it must be obvious to everyone that I did not belong. The woman who stood next to me in choir was so much better, a flawless sight singer, with a precise, bell-clear, voice. Her name is Theodora, and at the time, she was the Junior Choir Secretary. Now, along with several other choristers, she is one of my closest friends. At an early social event, we were chatting, and she told me she thought my voice was beautiful. I felt the warmth and sincerity in her admission, and suddenly I was buoyant. Singing with the choir, feeling the community as we either succeeded or failed as a team, became a comfort and a relief from the individuality of academic pressure.
When I became a choral fellow and started singing occasional solos for the choir, I felt the acute burden of performing alone. UChoir had quickly become one of my primary communities on campus, and I never wanted to be the one to let them down during a performance. Since then, I have been upset with my individual performances, cried over them, but Ed and my community in the choir have made me feel so secure. I slowly learned that an imperfect performance would not change how they thought of me, that in the Choir room or even during a performance, I could make devastating errors, and they would always give me another chance. Their faith in me, as a performer but also as a person, also helped me to gain confidence in academic settings, to take risks and open myself up to failure without putting so much pressure on myself.
The best memories from my undergraduate career are, without question, with UChoir. In particular, I have always loved the tranquility of the compline service, with candlelight flickering, and soft prayer. After a long  day, I can lean my head back against the pew, close my eyes, and feel the tension melt from my forehead, eyes, shoulders, thighs, toes. I can bask in the organ music, in the calculated rightness of polyphony. I am sad to leave UChoir, especially in the wake of a year when we have not been able to sing together in person. But in that sorrow, I also feel a bloom of excitement for the next freshman who enters UChoir, riddled with self doubt and nerves, and who will receive the same bedrock of support and gentle encouragement to thrive.
Kath is a senior in Pforzheimer house, studying Human Developmental and Regenerative Biology with a secondary in Classical Civilizations. She has been a member of the University Choir since 2017, a Choral Fellow since 2018, and the Choir Secretary for her Junior and Senior years.
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